.......

beautiful things
come from small places
not always seen
but always noticed
i can tell
from the look in your e y e s
that you know
everything you need
to see what there is
in that s p a c e b e t w e e n

the secret of you
is hard to keep
you think that's your cue
to walk out and leave
apologies are like heavy air
lingering in what should
have never been there

it's hard to sleep
with all these dreams
thoughts that transfer
into screams

screams that translate
the way you feel
the way you hurt
almost ideal

it puts pressure
on yourself to blame
things that are there to keep
you sane

and in the end
a glimmer of <<light>>
portrayal of the good life
lullabies in your ear
showing you
that light is near




-d.elise

Thoughts

I wish I could meet someone completely random. A stranger who I'd feel comfortable telling all my problems to. I just wanna vent everything in life without the other person asking themselves what the fuck I'm talking about. Under the influence all these thoughts come into my head and I just don't know how to handle them by myself sometimes. Things I don't understand just overwhelm my entire process of thinking and loving life to the fullest capacity. I could sit for hours and think by myself, alone in my room...nothing but music playing and candles burning, memories and images playing in my brain. I'm so afraid of silence because it brings out the worst in my thoughts. I am a happy person, always cracking jokes and shit but at times I'm really just a person who's terrified of what the future will bring. I don't know how to explain what I feel, I just know it's there. I've tried explaining some of these things to my friends, and they don't properly understand. They try to analyze it and I don't want to be analyzed, I just want to be heard. I wish someone was on my level of thinking, it would be easier to accept if I had a companion in it all.

Maybe the reason I'm so grumpy is the fact that I have all these pointless papers to write. I don't care about half the shit that I'm assigned, and that also scares me. Do I want to hate what I study and practice for the rest of my life? Seems pretty depressing. I don't get why teachers think they are so above you that they can assign you some million page bullshit on bullshit. Ask us things that matter, things that would be interesting to read. This is how new ideas and theories are birthed. By putting your own unique touch on everything you come to know and experience in your life makes for an amazing paper, something I know any teacher would be proud to have the honor of reading.

I don't know...just rambling, and procrastinating, and wondering, and desiring and falling asleep.