Levels

I have this theory, I guess you could say it evolved from me just wanting and needing to be a better person. I used to do things without thinking about consequences. This is a selfish way to think, considering everything in life is a domino affect. I used to see things only one way- but now, I've learned through troubles and experiences, that maybe the things you do, whether good or bad, add up in the end.

My theory acts like a point system in regards to a karma-esque religion. Actually, not religion (because religion is a socially constructed bullshit way of controlling those who practice) but way of life. Like in karma, what goes around comes back around. I guess I'll start from the beginning.

It's 3:30 and I have to be at work at 4. Im in Manhattan, work is in Queens. But of course I was fucking around and lost track of time, and I started panicking. I had gotten in trouble for being late to work just the day before and pretty much knew I'd be fired if it happened again. I click my phone to check the time every couple of seconds...3:45. By this time, I know I'm doomed. Rush down the first set of stairs at the subway and hear my train pulling into the station...one more set of stairs to go, and I see this man really struggling. He's holding a bunch of bags and has a cain in the other hand. I look back and realize he's blind and really won't be able to make it down the stairs all by himself. In a split second I decided this guys problems were bigger than me being late for work and as I lead him down the stairs I hear my train pull out of the station.

At this point, I start panicking again, knowing that when I get to work, they'll probably ask me to leave- but at that very moment, an express train pulls into the station. I hop on and by some miracle, it's announced that the train is skipping every stop but mine...I get to my stop in record time, and as soon as I get off I realize the station is completely empty (usually it's a good 10minute process to get out and down the stairs)...run to work. 3:59.

I know this may not be the most thrilling story you've ever heard, but it was the sense of reward that made me feel like I was fucking invincible. The fact that I gave up something for a complete stranger was so intensely satisfying.

It was this that brought a little light into my life, and where my theory originates.

I believe that everything we do is calculated in life by some higher being. Whether good or bad, it's being remembered, and whether beneficial or detrimental, you will be repaid for that same action. The same day that you do a deed, it is repaid to you...it could be something small like stubbing your toe,  or bigger, like losing friendship. In the end, these things add up- and it is then when you must face them.

This has helped me unbelievably in the past couple of years, and has indeed given me a conscious I never knew I possessed. Any time I think about doing something that I probably shouldn't, I think ahead to other things that I will have to suffer through as my debt to this wrongdoing.

My theory also helps me be levelheaded, and to think about the pros and cons of a situation. It's taught me to be calmer, and to take a step back before taking two wrong steps forward.
It's not about being perfect, but learning that you are ultimately responsible for the kind of person you are in relation to others in this world.

There is so much corruption, that even the simplest form of goodness can conquer it all.