Only With Frosting

I am the product of a happily married couple. After 25 years, they are still happy and by happy I mean they make out in semi-inappropriate places. So why am I such a marriage cynic? It is my fascination with older men and technology (both separate and joined entities) that has lead me to see the light, or I believe...the darkness of the 'perfect' life that marriage is perceived as in modern America. I've seen to much, and it's destroyed my perception of relationships. People today are less than trustworthy and that would be a cause of the endless technology that is accessible at our very fingertips.

One of my first encounters was with a website that I signed up for as a joke. A website specially designed for older, married men to connect and eventually cheat on their wives. Although I find that being the 'other woman' is appealing, and even sexy- this website led me to really think about the services being offered.

I talked to a variety of people: men with girlfriends, men with wives, men with children, doctors, lawyers and creeps. I asked them to be brutally honest, and I found that most were (you have nothing to lose when concealed by the curtain that is your keyboard). Many of them told me that they were unhappy with their lives and blamed that unhappiness on their family...that their wives basically didn't give them enough.

This is what I dislike about marriage.

If you don't give enough, please enough, pleasure enough...you are thrown away...because, cake is good, but only delicious with frosting. The lack of frosting is the incentive to be disloyal.

The more disturbing part about this is that many of these men had children, who they always said were sleeping while they were up talking to me, usually around 2 or 3am. You teach your children to be honest, to be loyal, and to be kind. But how do you thoroughly teach them this if you don't exemplify these qualities yourself?

I've done my own bad deeds, but I have most definitely learned from them. I want to be a good mom, but how do I achieve this if my husband is talking to a young girl on the internet and neglecting my needs while pursuing his own? I am haven't even lived a full 21st year, but it scares the shit out of me that I think about these things, that I always think the worst in people.

I've been cheated on before, and only the extraction of 4 wisdom teeth hurt more than the pain of that. Yes, I got over that and yes, I am a stronger and wiser person because of it, but to be 'eternally connected' with someone (thats what marriage is right? an eternal bond?) and   suffer this kind of trauma- maybe without even knowing it- I'd rather not.

I don't exactly know were I'm going with this, or why it's a daily worry for me- but it's real and that's what my blog is all about.