Message To Women On The Topic of Our Favorite Topic

Not to be a bitch or anything (code for what I'm about to say may be offensive) but guys, a girls most favorite, most exhilarating, most fuckin adrenaline pumping hobby for us is turning you down. It turns us on more to know we made you feel like shit than to spend an hour pretending to like the sex. This isn't just coming from me. It's known fact that girls love to screw you in the ass with a big n-o and then laugh about it later with their girlfriends, and THEN talk for hours about how gay you are. And honestly, you can't judge this statement because as it happens, this is a boys favorite hobby as well...we just happen to be better at it.

It is this hobby that led me to create the statement 'nah dude'. Now this statement may just seem like two tiny little words that don't do much damage but they REALLY FUCKING DETONATE the deepest part of a kids ego (and I mean that in the most unpleasant way possible). I have used these brilliant (if i do say so myself) words on many strange encounters and the damage is almost instant. 

Awhile back, I was hooking up with a dude that turned out to be not very good at hooking up. Mid-eating-my-face he asked me if I wanted to have sex. At this point I was dumbfounded that this kid didn't understand my various cues that I wasn't into his face eating session, and was only there due to intoxication and the fact that I was wearing four inch heels in the middle of a damn blizzard. 

So back to the moment...He asks me to bone. Due more to shock than anything else, what popped out of my mouth is now the most genius thing I've ever thought of. I simply said 'nah dude'. 

It was if the skies had parted and this kid looked at me with an expression I can only describe as complete and utter confusion. After a second or two of stuttering he tried to play it off and BAM- he got the picture. 

And this is where 'nah dude' was born. You see the beauty of this is that you're using vocabulary thats both relaxed and bitchy, casual yet formal, sweet with a little bit of spice. You are using their language and therefore on their level.

You see, a regular 'no' would make things pretty fuckin awkward for both parties. And if you dodge the question its even more awkward because he's thinking 'did she hear me?' which would cause him to repeat the question and you'd be right back where you started.

Wanna dance?- nah dude

Anal?- nah dude

Want pickles on your burger?- nah dude

Nah dude- the perfect medium.

Try it in any situation, 100% guaranteed to mind fuck the shit out of an unwanted visitor.